It’s been a while since I’ve written anything on here. I went through a trauma earlier on this year, and recovery has been a process.
This is a part of my un-slumping. Maybe someone else needs to read this, or maybe you just need to know that someone else is sitting in the dark with you.
Ok. I have found myself being super reactive to all things gratitude lately. So, I suppose it’s time to be thankful and such.
I don’t know how many days I can even do this for, or how consistent I will be. But I’m left with nothing else, no other option but to look for the good.
I’m also not going to call it gratitude because I’m snarky-ish still towards the term. So, henceforth it shall be dubbed “reframing.” New lenses seem less annoying to me than thankfulness does right now.
Here’s the thing: in the past 6 months, my name has been dragged through the mud. Everything I have tried to hold together on my own strength has crumbled, and I have had to stare my own rejection-fears in the face. I’ve experienced some pretty deep lows.
I’m at the point where basically, 2018 can bite me. And I’m tired.
REFRAME, Day 1: I’ve been crying and agonizing with some of my closest humans about some recent events. There are threads of text messages and messenger messages in my phone, full of angst-ey me at my most withered of states.
These conversations have one thing in common: no matter how much of a Debbie-Downer, no matter how weak-kneed and unable to stand I have been, there has been a cheerleader on the other end of the line. It doesn’t matter if they live in Texas or Ten minutes away or downstairs. They’ve been amazing.
My humans check on me when I’m silent. They send love, and say things like “Yay, Pants!! Success!!” when my biggest accomplishment has been getting dressed. God has given me an amazing circle.
I read that hard times will always reveal true friends. So tonight, my reframe is this:
Yes, times have been tough. The HARD has knocked the wind right out of me. But the SOFT has been there to catch me. I might be on my back right now looking up, but I’m not alone. I know that there are some who will snarl when I get back up again, but there are more who will clap and cheer.
And that’s something to look forward to.